no more weapons

since coming to bkk. i did not use any weapons during DG.
it was mainly, my hands open and the ring finger folded actions
I will be waving around, reaching for the sky, touching the floor. something like doing tai ji now.
other than that, it was mainly all the same feelings as before.

halloween day

yesterday when doing the red marble.
the feeling that was greatest is always on the throat.
and recently when i moved the marble to my stomach, it sometimes feel painful and i feel like vomitting.
so basically that’s about it.

long cultivation

i think the only reason i can do a very long cultivation. it’s because i dont have any distraction from family members calling you to eat, want to talk to you etc etc.
i’m living by myself and i can cultivate as long as i want without distraction.

so about today’s session. after about 30 mins of dong gong based on the reiki music, i have this sudden energy from the bottom to the top and feel my movements were a lot smoother.
and it ended with both hands together.

i really have to use this chance of staying by myself to cultivate more.

window friend is here to stay

when i came back, i keep having this teeth “numb” feeling and my ring finger will keep folding during normal activities.

still have the knocking on the window issue and sometimes when i have a new feeling when doing jing zhou, it will knock 1 time like when you use your knuckles to hit the window. and it actually did it again when i have another new feeling. this is quite weird but as usual i did not bother about it too much.

i have stayed in many places before and whatever is happening is definately not normal; you probably can hear “ei” “ei” like the sound of the edge of something slightly moving but that is normal. But something knocking on your window……. and mostly when you cultivate is definately not normal. if there is a knock on your door, you know that someone is there, get what i’m trying to say?
But if i get a shock by it, suddenly there is a white light for about 1 second.

and yesterday night, i had a strange feeling when i was about to sleep and felt something strange and my heart started beating quite fast. but i did not care again and went to sleep.
i dont want to be cocky but i’m confident whatever is out there cannot disrupt me.

tonight’s feeling

feeling on the throat again. i was pulling my head back to like stretch my throat and vibration at the throat area during jing zhuo.
got warm feeling at my stomach during marble session and of course even as i am typing now. my upper teeth got some kind of a numb feeling.

and then went to watch chanting videos and cry again.

crying

during my gui yi, i felt like crying but did not cry.
so just now i try to cry again but watching the buddhist chanting on youtube.
dont know why just seeing 大悲咒 this 3 words feel very touch already.
i cry big time man, see 大悲咒, heart sutra and all.
keep crying and crying then suddenly..
i open my mouth real big and started stretching as big as possible and my tongue came out then my saliva started to drip out and keep doing this for about 5 mins then it stop.
but now i feel much better..
shifu any advice?

2 hrs cultivation

amazing! this is the first time i did a cultivation that last for almost 2 hours.
i think i did the jing zhuo for 1 hr plus and dong gong for half an hour.
my knees hurts a lot when i got up and i knew it was a long time.
but i thought i was only for a while and you dont even notice that it was so long.
i got this vibration at my throat area during jing zhuo but i try not to think what is going on and just let it happen and not get distracted by it.
shifu says: “dont think about it, hope for for it and wonder why but be calm as water and let your ling do what it has to do.”

shifu got some questions.
1) after i completed the red marble below my naval, do i need to imagine anything else? or do i go straight to jing zhuo?
2) can i move my body and head during jing zhou?

what is 皈依?

I’m coming back for this reason and yet i am sad to say i do know even truely understand what is 皈依…. but i managed to find out about it.

请看净空法师的开示

一、为何要皈依？

首先我们要明了三皈的真实意义。学佛，我们对于佛教，也就是佛陀的教育有了相当的理解，真正发心，或者说是发愿向释迦牟尼佛学习，这才发心来求受皈依。

求受皈依就是求释迦牟尼佛收我做学生，从今之后，我们愿意做释迦牟尼佛的学生，遵从释迦牟尼佛的教诲，纠正我们在生活当中许许多多错误的行为，这是皈依的正确动机，或者是说皈依正确的发心。如果我们对于佛教是什么没搞清楚、没有很明白，看到别人皈依，我们也跟着去皈依，这是错误的，这叫盲从，这是迷信，决定得不到三皈真实的功德利益。

二、皈依重实质，不重形式

释迦牟尼佛当年在世，给学生传授三皈五戒，没有听说发皈依证的、发五戒证书的，没有。为什么呢？这是仪式，佛家讲重实质，你有没有真心皈依？

现在‘皈依’叫方便皈依，形式给你做了，实际上有没有真的皈依？没有，你也没有回头、也没有依靠，只是在佛面前磕个头，法师发一个皈依证书；那个皈依证书也没用的，也不作效的，不生效的，诸佛、菩萨，也不承认的。不但你这个皈依证没效，你受戒的戒牒也没效。佛、菩萨都不承认的，我们自己在这里办儿戏而已，要懂得，不懂得，我们怎么能成就！那么这个皈依受戒，怎样才能让佛菩萨点头？让佛菩萨承认？你要真做到。所以，形式没有关系。果然真正做到了，你就是没有受这个形式，佛菩萨也承认。

三、错误的皈依观念

[皈]是回归、回头，[依]是依靠。从哪里回头呢？从一切错误回头，依什么呢？依靠老师真实的教诲。所以皈依，诸位要记住，不是皈依一个法师，如果你们大家今天到此地来，“我皈依净空法师了”，错了，只有这一个错误、这一个罪名就要堕落地狱。你要不来受皈依，你不会造这个罪业，因为你来受皈依，你造的这个罪业将来要堕恶道。那么我们皈依谁呢？我们皈依三宝，不是皈依某一个人。如果不清楚不明白，仅仅受这个仪式，这是不切实际的。

四、如何做到真正皈依？

真正皈依的人，要做所有一切人的好样子。因此我们起心动念、所作所为，想想我可不可以做社会大众的好样子？不是好样子不但不能学、不能做，念头都不能起。做所有家庭的好榜样，做全世界我这个行业里面的好榜样。

如果样样都能做社会大众的好榜样，你就真正皈依三宝。如果不是好样子，你没有真的皈依，你是假名皈依。说得不好听，冒充佛弟子，你不是真正佛弟子。经典上常讲的“无上菩提心”，必需落实在生活。我们对人、对事、对物要真诚，真是不假，诚是不虚。虚情假意、自欺欺人，你用心就错了。佛菩萨用真诚心，决定不欺诳众生。佛菩萨用清净心，决定没有丝毫污染，污染的根是自私自利，我们起心动念为自己的利益打算，这个念头是罪，这是凡夫的妄心，不是真心，真心是清净的，决定没有污染。真心平等，决定没有高下，如果觉得我高，他不如我，我们就错了，我们没有回头，我们没有皈依，所以皈依之后要用清净心，要用平等心对一切人、一切事、一切物。要用觉悟心，觉就不迷。要用慈悲心，慈是爱心，这个慈悲心是从真诚、清净、平等、正觉里面流露出来的，这个爱是大爱、真爱。佛家怕众生误会，所以用“慈悲”，不讲“爱”，慈悲代表有感情，所以爱心里面具足了真诚、清净、平等、正觉，这个爱心就叫做“大慈大悲”。我们要学佛存心，学佛用心，那你就是真的回头了，真的皈依了，诸佛如来承认你是佛弟子，你是佛的好学生。务必要诸佛菩萨都承认你是三宝弟子，龙天护法才会拥护你，也常常帮助你照顾你。这一点非常重要。我们是三宝弟子，世尊是这样传授下来的，我们应当如是接受，依教奉行。

五、我们皈依谁？

我们不是皈依某一位法师，也不是皈依某一个寺院。

我们皈依[佛]，皈依十方三世一切诸佛；

我们皈依[法]，诸佛菩萨所说一切的经论，这是我们修学的依靠；

我们皈依[僧]，是皈依虚空法界一切诸佛刹土里面的僧团，你这就真的皈依了。这样发心皈依，世尊告诉我们，你必定得一切诸佛护念，龙天善神保佑。所以佛在经上讲，真正受三皈，必定有三十六位护法神日夜保护你。

皈依佛

佛是‘觉悟’的意思。

佛教给我们‘皈依觉，觉而不迷’。

没有接受佛教导的时候，我们都是‘迷而不觉’。从迷回过头来，要觉悟。

佛弟子，从今天受了‘三皈’之后，你就要晓得，起心动念、言语造作，一定要利人，利他！真正利己。我们要想自己得幸福美满，乃至于家庭事业，样样顺利，你就照佛这个话去做。从迷回过头来，依觉，这个叫‘皈依佛’。

皈依法

法是‘正知正见’。

法是对宇宙、人生正确的见解、正确的思想；

佛告诉我们一切众生无量的苦恼，苦恼从什么地方来？对于自己、对于自己生活环境，不能够明了，于是产生了错误的想法、看法，这样才带来了许许多多的苦难。如果我们能够将自己，以及自己生活环境，彻底明白，真正搞清楚，我们的思想、见解就正确，这样一切苦自自然然就消除，而享受的是真正的快乐，佛法教导我们的是破迷开悟、离苦得乐的方法，由此可知，佛陀的教育实实在在可带给一切众生真正的幸福。

皈依僧

僧是‘清净、一尘不染、和合’的意思。

所谓六根清净，一尘不染，这是自性净。其实学了佛，我们也没有真的回头！为什么这么说法？因为我们心还是被污染，妄想是污染、分别是污染、执着是污染，贪嗔痴是最严重的污染，叫三毒！所以，你了解事实真相了，你就会统统放下，不再染着了，恢复到身心清净，所以，你才晓得从一切污染回过头来，依清净心，这叫 ‘皈依僧’。

六、从那里‘皈’？怎么个‘依’？

皈是回头；从妄想、分别、起心、动念、执着里回头。

依是依靠；依不分别、不执着、不起心、不动念。

所以，这个三宝，佛教给我们这个修行三大纲领、三大原则，一切诸佛如来所依的，无论是对自己、对别人、对自、对他；他里面，对人、对事、对物，都应当要记住：

‘觉而不迷’，这是‘皈依佛’。

‘正而不邪’，这是‘皈依法’。

‘净而不染’，这叫‘皈依僧’。

这是自性三宝。所以，学佛的人，从今往后，起心动念、言语造作，都不离开这个标准、不离开这个原则，那你就是佛的学生，佛就承认你是佛弟子、你是真正得 ‘三皈戒’了！传授三皈，你真的得到了！绝对不在那个皈依证，那一张纸上，纸没用处的！纸是假的，一撕就破了。真正守住这个原则，绝不违犯，这一切诸佛如来都赞叹，这都承认你是三宝弟子，这真正皈依处。

my first post since i am back

the only reason that i came back it’s because of gui yi if not i would not have come back during this week because i could have taken a longer leave on another period.
long story short, the preparation was normal but once i reach the main hall i felt like crying everytime they were singing but i try to control it. i seldom or rather have not had a group or mass chanting for the pass 6 months but i really enjoy the feeling a lot. how i wish i can have another get together… anyway, maybe this is my test to do it myself for the next 2 years and if i can endure through these 2 years, i may understand myself better.

And after chating with shifu, i realised i was thinking too much and having too much theory of my own.
i will forever be stuck in this theory thing if i’m not flexible. i keep thinking it’s very complicated to fully understand buddhism.
or is it that people have already conditioned themselves in their life to always think that life is complicated.
If you start feeling that it is complicated, you will always think it is. that’s why flexibility comes into the the picture. and i shall try to slowly understand this word as i cultivate.

Anyway, here are some quotes from lao tze that i feel is meaningful:

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires.
Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.
Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.
One who is too insistent on his own views, finds few to agree with him.
When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.

hotels

staying in vietnam hotel gives you a strange feeling.
maybe it’s the numerous people that died here during the vietnam war.
or maybe staying in a hotel room is always eerie.
you do not know how many people died in your room, what happen in this room, maybe a murder, maybe a suicide before which is terrifying.
my point being, i’m dont feel this anymore compare to what i felt the last time.
it’s just another place to live.
anyway, 4 more days to singapore.